[30] And how, bhikkhus, is there both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced? Here, bhikkhus, a bhikkhu who is discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder, yearning for the state of a lay follower (upāsaka), yearning for the state of a monastery attendant (ārāmika), yearning for the state of a novice (sāmaṇera), yearning for the state of a member of another sect (titthiya), yearning for the state of a disciple of another sect, yearning for the state of one who is not an ascetic, yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the Buddha?" Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the Dhamma?" … He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the Saṅgha?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the training?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the Vinaya?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the Pātimokkha?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce the recitation (uddesa)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my preceptor (upajjhāya)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my teacher (ācariya)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my pupil (saddhivihārika)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my apprentice (antevāsika)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my fellow pupil of the same preceptor?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my fellow pupil of the same teacher?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to renounce my fellow practitioner of the holy life (sabrahmacārī)?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a householder?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a lay follower?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a monastery attendant?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a novice?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a member of another sect?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become a disciple of another sect?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become one who is not an ascetic?" He says and makes known: "What now if I were to become one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son?" Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "But if I were to renounce the Buddha …" … He says and makes known: "But if I were to become one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son …" … He says and makes known: "Then I should renounce the Buddha." … He says and makes known: "Then I should become one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son." … He says and makes known: "Come now, let me renounce the Buddha." … He says and makes known: "Come now, let me become one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son." … He says and makes known: "So be it for me — let me renounce the Buddha." … He says and makes known: "So be it for me — let me become one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son." Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "I remember my mother." He says and makes known: "I remember my father." He says and makes known: "I remember my brother." He says and makes known: "I remember my sister." He says and makes known: "I remember my son." He says and makes known: "I remember my daughter." He says and makes known: "I remember my wife." He says and makes known: "I remember my relatives." He says and makes known: "I remember my friends." He says and makes known: "I remember my village." He says and makes known: "I remember my town." He says and makes known: "I remember my field." He says and makes known: "I remember my plot of land." He says and makes known: "I remember my money." He says and makes known: "I remember my gold." He says and makes known: "I remember my craft." He says and makes known: "I recall how formerly I laughed, talked, and played." Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "I have a mother; she must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a father; he must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a brother; he must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a sister; she must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a son; he must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a daughter; she must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have a wife; she must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have relatives; they must be supported by me." He says and makes known: "I have friends; they must be supported by me." Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "I have a mother; she will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a father; he will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a brother; he will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a sister; she will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a son; he will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a daughter; she will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a wife; she will support me." He says and makes known: "I have relatives; they will support me." He says and makes known: "I have friends; they will support me." He says and makes known: "I have a village; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have a town; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have a field; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have a plot of land; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have money; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have gold; by means of that too I shall live." He says and makes known: "I have a craft; by means of that too I shall live." Thus too, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
Or else, discontented, dissatisfied, desiring to fall away from the ascetic life, being troubled by, ashamed of, and disgusted with the state of a bhikkhu, yearning for the state of a householder … yearning for the state of one who is not a follower of the Sakyan son, he says and makes known: "It is difficult to do." He says and makes known: "It is not easy to do." He says and makes known: "It is difficult to practice." He says and makes known: "It is not easy to practice." He says and makes known: "I am not able." He says and makes known: "I cannot endure it." He says and makes known: "I do not delight." He says and makes known: "I do not find delight." Thus too indeed, bhikkhus, there is both a disclosure of weakness and yet the training not renounced.
English translation from the Pali (Siam Raṭṭha edition) — under review, not for citation.